I am writing this blog entry on the 16th of August right now, 7 days after I first found out on freaking National Day!! My baby may be the first Eurasian Prime Minister in future!
You are probably wondering why this is published so much later then. It is because we Chinese are superstitious and believe that pregnancies should only be announced after the first trimester (first 3 months).
When I first heard this I was like WTF that's so damn stupid coz it means I get 3 months less of attention plus I have to keep that huge a secret for so long???
But as it turns out this is for good reason. Statistics show that a startling amount of pregnancies, one out of five, do not survive the first 3 months!! I KNOW RIGHT? Since there is a 20% chance of an empty promise, I too have decided not to announce it coz I don't think I can stand the pitiful looks people are going to give me... *choy* I did tell most of my friends and relatives though!
So if you are reading this, it means I have entered my second trimester! (Postnote: Am now 11 weeks and 2 days - Decided to announce on Mike's birthday instead of at my full 12 weeks coz doctor said everything is stable and I can announce anytime I want actually)
I have decided to periodically fill in this blog entry with my thoughts all the way until my 3rd month since I can't say anything till then.
Back story... Back in end 2011 I had these raging maternal instincts and Mike and I decided to try for a baby. We usually use the withdrawal method (too much info? LOL) but for 2 months, we just decided to go for it.
Nothing happened. Single line.
Seriously I thought it was really easy to get pregnant so I thought that there must be something wrong with our machinery. Although I've heard of people trying for as long as 5 years before succeeding, I never thought it will happen to us? Plus, there is no way to find out if your parts are working until you actually do get pregnant, right?
After that I got igloo on October 13th and he completely stopped the crazy maternal instincts. I lifted my baby tinted glasses and decided that since so much work and money is going into our house's renovations, I wanted to enjoy it for about a year before trying so the place won't have to turn into puke plastered toyland.
Sometime in mid july after I got back from Audrey's hen's night, thanks to the conversation we had then (too dirty to be repeated here), Mike and I decided to just recklessly go for it... Just that once. Bobo if you are reading this you are partially responsible for my pregnancy!
Not because we wanted a baby but because as I said I thought our machinery were broken anyway.
Then I tested on August 2nd because that was when my period was due. BTW I am the sort of person who hates the unknown and will test for pregnancy the moment I am supposed to get my period. Also because I love buying super cheap pregnancy test kits... Did you know mustafa has them for like $2?? I bought like 6.
So the test kit turned out negative. I went on with the belief that there was something wrong with us.
By the 9th I still haven't got my period so I tested again...
DOUBLE LINE
How was my reaction?
When I peed on the kit all I thought was "What the hell is wrong with my period, coming so late making me waste 2 test kits this freaking month. I need to go to mustafa again to buy more cheapo test kits, hope they are not sold out." so you can imagine I was totally expecting a negative again. But when I saw the clear double lines I freaked out.
I yelled a "WHAT THE FUCK???" in the toilet and hyperventilated, thinking about how my career is over and how my life will change completely and how my house is going to turn into puke plastered toyland. And how it is so tragic that I was skinny for such a short time. It's like I'm destined to be fat.
(Everyone has fears about having a kid ok and yes these are self centered thoughts but it didn't mean that I'm gonna be a bad mom when the baby comes out!)
Then I took the kit gingerly into the room and told Mike. I had an ashened face so I think he thought someone died when I told him "Baby I got something to tell you."
I wish I could say that he was extremely happy and twirled me around saying he is so happy to be a father but he didn't. Mike is not the very child-loving sort and he is an extreme worrywart. His thoughts usually go to the negative and he is scared of not having enough money or time for the kid or how it will affect our marriage etc.
But we have discussed babies for a while now and he has been mentally preparing himself for one coz he is knows he is 31 and it is time. If it happens he accepts it and wishes for the best but if it doesn't, well when we worry one less day.
So he just gave me a weak smile and hugged me for a long time.
Honestly even though it is OUR baby he wasn't the one I was eager to tell. My mother and friends are way more looking forward to the news. Rightfully so I guess coz it isn't their responsibility. LOL
So at 2am I called Momo who was sleeping. She of course started squealing about being a grandma and my spirits lifted. Pregnancy is a scary thing but if everyone is so happy for me it can't be that bad right?
Next I called my bff Shuyin who likewise also started yelling in her high pitched voice saying she has waited so long for this.
Then I told Qiu who was the only one still awake at 2am (and also she's mad about babies) and whatsapped the rest of my girlfriends. Junne told me she read the message on the way to work next morning and she stopped mid walk, screamed a little and started smiling like an idiot lol. It is such a nice feeling to have everyone so happy for me!! Everyone is showing me so much love!!
I badly wanted a friend to be pregnant with me so I started telling everyone to have more sex lol.
After this I spent the night searching for cute baby girl pictures and forming them as a college for my computer wallpaper. My preference is pretty obvious. Even though my irritating bio-freak friend Shengrong keeps telling me the gender is already decided via the X or Y chromosome in the sperm, I refuse to believe by sheer willpower I cannot change the sex of the kid.
It is Schrodinger's cat at the moment.
ANYWAY. I know mothers to be are always being so annoying saying that they don't care about the gender of the kid and will love it equally and as long as it is healthy blah blah.
But nobody said you can only wish for one thing for your baby and if you didn't choose health you are an asshole yeah? I don't wanna turn into one of those politically correct holistic birth judgmental self righteous sort of moms!
So I have an unorthodox preference for my kid's gender because hell yes I'm gonna be damn sad if I go into HnM to buy baby boy clothes and can't buy all the tutu skirts. If you are a mother, don't pretend you didn't have a preference however slight!
Besides, Mike's family has a very, very strong history of producing male babies. His grandma had 3 sons. 1 of the sons (Mike's dad) had FOUR boys, the other son had 2 boys, and the other son had 1 boy and 2 girls (I have hope).
Two of Mike's male cousins have 3 boys and no girls either.
So yes judge me... I know this baby is probably going to be a boy so I want to get a girl first to get this worry out of the way! Now Mike is saying he only wants 1 kid!! LIKE THIS HOW IF IT'S A BOY I CANNOT BUY TUTUS!! Will I get lynched if I say I also have always dreamed of getting the Juicy Couture pram?
Plus my baby room is already painted pink!! Please lah lao tian ye I don't wish for much.
Of course if it is a boy I will still love him but I'll just be slightly happier if it's a girl lah!! Son, if you are reading this in the future, I love you very much ok? :P
I'm expecting loads of comments from people saying a monster like me shouldn't breed and that babies are not accessories but fuck off please. Go judge your own birth thanks. I'm trying my best to reduce my use of vulgarities (I can't go cold turkey) but really, judgmental mom sorts are the WORST!!!
Have you seen their snotty faces when people tell them they are going for caesarean or not gonna breast feed? URGH!! There is not only ONE method of caring for a kid and as long as the expectant mother isn't smoking or drinking the choices they make are none of your business!
Oh gosh this entry is turning out to be really long. I'd also like to say that my boobs are HUGE now. HUGE! Largest they have ever been. I think I went from a small B to a C!!
IKR
It's almost tempting to snap some slutty naked pics to celebrate this glorious moment because people say after birth your nipples turn darker and longer (gross) but I'm too afraid of the pictures getting out and my child seeing them one day.
Nothing else much in my life has changed so far except that I am watching my diet more. No raw food no caffeine no "cooling" food. Momo has also been fetching me everywhere and cooking me soups. I drink birds' nest everyday and am eating folic acid. I could get used to this.
Right now I am 6 weeks pregnant and my baby is the size of a lentil with a heartbeat twice as fast as mine.
Morning sickness has simi started and I'm starting to not know if I'm feeling hungry or nauseous or both. OK that's it, till next time.
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21st August:
OMG the nausea is KILLING ME!! Every single day as long as I am not feeling full from food I feel nauseous. And the worst thing is that it is not bad enough for me to really vomit but just bad enough for me to well... Feel unwell. So far I have not really puked yet, but I really can't wait for the nausea bit to be over. :(
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1st September:
Did I say I didn't puke from the nausea? I was wrong. I'm chalking up about 15 pukes a day. Moment I wake up, I heave air and vomit bile. Then I stuff some food down the my throat and I am ok during the afternoon, until evening where I usually puke again before I eat dinner. Sometimes midway through dinner I puke as well. Then after dinner it's more puking all the way until I sleep. Sometimes I bolt awake to puke. PREGNANCY IS HORRIBLE.
I've tried all sorts of recommended remedies like eating in small portions, having dry crackers or eating sour plums... NOTHING WORKS. And all sorts of weird smells and sight of gross stuff sets off the nausea again. Even just thinking about certain types of food makes me feel like vomiting.
That day I drank a fizzy drink and puked it out 2 minutes later. Y'all will be interested to know that when it regurgitated out of my throat it was still carbonated.
I AM SO MISERABLE, PLEASE LET THIS STOP SOON
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19th September, today:
HEY EVERYONE!!!
Ok so I've settled on a gynae and he is Dr Law Wei Seng from Pacific Healthcare!
He did a scan for me and OH MY...
MY BABY IS SO FREAKING CUTE.
I MEAN LOOK, IT LOOKS LIKE A CURLED UP FAT BABY HAMMIE.
Initially the reality hasn't really sunk in and to be honest even NOW it doesn't feel that real yet, but I must say, seeing your baby via ultrasound is a very touching moment indeed.
My mummy friends told me they all started tearing and I must say I did too!! Just a single tear, I'm cool like that.
Dr Law told me that the bean shaped space the baby is residing in is my waterbag, and the bump is my placenta.
The baby decided to rest in the most comfy nook of its giant home (right now) and use the placenta as a pillow!! How adorable!!
AND AND AND!!
When we were scanning you can see its tiny heart beating SUPER FAST!!
Plus it was waving those tiny little hands very vigorously, like saying HI to us!!!
I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, TINY HUMAN. (size of a grape at that point)
Dr Law even let me hear the baby's heartbeat... Ok this was also supposed to be very touching but I didn't think much of it, I preferred seeing the hands waving!! :D
So... more about pregnancy...
I just cannot believe that up to 40% of women do not get morning sickness at all during pregnancy. HOW IS IT SO UNFAIR? And the 60% of us are suffering so much.
In fact, I've got every single one of the first trimester woes such as:
1) Morning sickness
2) Bloating and gassiness
3) Food aversion
4) Extreme fatigue
5) Pain in boobs from being swollen
Okok I guess I didn't get the last one which is hormones going mad... I didn't get very sad or depressed but I did get unexplained bouts of euphoric high, especially when I eat something that my body decided it likes (which is rare).
But otherwise I am farting and burping ALL the time, hating 80% of all food, feeling SO sleepy after meals it is like taking 2 sleeping pills, and massaging my chest all the time to relieve some pain.
Oh and I gained 3kg (am now 42kg) thanks to my body's WEIRD preference of food.
People asked me if I am having funny cravings yet but I haven't... In fact, just the thought of most food makes me want to vomit. I do like certain food but it isn't really a craving as much as me just not hating them.
Here's a list of stuff I used to like but now dislike:
1) Cream sauce, my absolute favourite before pregnancy. I miss you.
2) Eggs. What happened here? Can still eat without puking, but I no longer LOVE them.
3) All kinds of veggies. Kangkong, how did we end up like this?
4) Soups... Watery soups are killing me. I cannot drink any of my mom's tonic soups because they all make me vomit. I can't take bird's nest. :( Stews are ok.
5) Most absurdly, plain water. Especially room temperature water... People used to tell me they don't like the taste of water and I always rolled my eyes. But now I TOTALLY GET IT. Yucky, disgusting water... so... wet and tasteless. Bleah.
Here is a list of things I never used to really like but now love:
1) Carbonated soft drinks. FML so unhealthy but that's all I crave for. I never used to like soft drinks. Now I wonder how is it I ever choose green tea over coke.
2) Carbs in its clean form. Like plain rice, boiled potatoes, bread. No pasta, pasta makes me pukey. That day I had a spoonful of plain porridge and thought it's the YUMMIEST thing in the world. Since my diet I've totally cut carbs out and my body got used to it. Now I'm eating carbs like mad again thus the weight gain. :( (most people don't gain much weight during the first 3 months)
I've been trying my best to eat healthy for the baby but I just can't. My body makes me puke out most fruits so I've regurgitated cherries, bananas, apples, kiwis etc, and the gagging absolutely will not stop until the fruit in its entirety has been vomited out. I am now such an expert at puking that I can tell you bile flavoured cherries are the WORST, like cough syrup but worse.
However, nothing beats puking out fish oil, which I'm taking because Dr Law said it's important for baby's brain development. Oh, it's NASTY. There should be a legit phobia of puking out fish oil.
What? You said you had enough of puking stories? No, I'm not done yet.
That day I had punggol nasi lemak and for some reason my body deemed it unworthy.
So I vomited it out at the toilet bowl at home.
The nasi lemak was so chunky and undigested and I had such a big surprising amount come out at once (really like the merlion), that the vomit hit the toilet bowl water and splashed bits of vomit back on my face.
I want all my haters to read the above paragraph and visualise it because I know it will make your day. My face splattered with my own vomit and bits of ikan bilis.
It doesn't end here. I had chilli with my nasi lemak and bits of it hit my eye, which stung. Worst part? I wasn't even done vomiting so I had to finish before I could crawl to the shower and spray off the vomit.
Yesterday, I had a consecutive 40 gags in a row. Well, I didn't count, but I swear it was about 40. I just heaved and heaved and heaved and couldn't stop. Since it's in the morning and I had no food to vomit out, all that came out was bile.
During one of the gags, bile actually came out of my nostril and dripped down.
Who knew vomiting stories could be so delightful?
Anyway, I just want to say thanks to all my friends and family who have been so nice to me so far... :D
The Best BFF in the world...
Watery soup so I couldn't drink much but it's the effort that counts.
Actually cooked nutritious soup and other dishes for me and baby... Plus came over to the new house so many times to help out with packing and moving etc because she knew I can't exert myself too much. And she bought the first piece of clothing for my baby, a furry bear suit. LOL. Really, can anyone have more love than this ffs. Oh pregnancy hormones making me cry wtf.
My hardworking Momo cooking me soups and anything else I crave + had the ingenuity of forcing me to keep folded plastic bags in my bag... Totally came in useful that day when I puked in the cab.
My girlfriends, all so excitable and interested in my pregnancy... Plus holding me at the elbow whenever I encounter stairs or slopes like I'm a piece of glassware...
Yutaki and Sophie for the bird's nest, Angie for the consideration for my future beauty...
My Nuffnang + Munkysuperstar managers working SO VERY hard to find sponsors for me... Baby... Your diapers all free thanks to them so I can save more money to let you go to college.
Last but not least Dr Georgia Lee whom, once I told the pregnancy to, kept giving me doctorly advice + started recommending the best gynaes to me. She is so super sweet I can't even believe it.
If I forgot anyone it's because pregnant women are really stupid as most of our blood's flowing to the baby not to our brain.
And of course...
The most important person in this pregnancy other than me...
The birthday boy today...
My boyfriend from 2006-2010...
My husband from 2010 onwards...
And now one more title...
From April 2013 onwards...
The father of my child.
Thank you for all your patience when I get grumpy due to all the vomiting and hatred of smells. For showing you are going to be a great responsible daddy by already buying insurance for the little one. LOL, see, he is so nerdy!!
Even though this pregnancy surprised us and we are both scared and nervous that our lives are about to completely change, I now believe that any pregnancy at all is a blessing... It isn't all that easy to get pregnant and not everybody can. Some people really want it and have to put in so much money and effort and we just hit jackpot! Afterall it is better to be given something you didn't really want right now than to not be given something that you really want, right?
People often think of the daunting parts of parenthood but forget that having a baby in the home is like having a little comedian too. I believe our baby will bring us loads of laughter and joy!!
And I hope he/she looks like you so I have two of that face to love... Also because my pre-plastic looks ain't worth duplicating. I sound like Voldemort's mom. I hope he/she has your naturally straight teeth so we don't have to spend on invisalign, and your alien-like ability to not get the flu ever. (Mike has not been sick since I've known him 6 years ago)
Also take from daddy the love for math and science and technology, which will no doubt be critical in the future.
From me baby, I hope you get prefect eyesight, my social skills because daddy's suck, my positivity, my amazing head of thick hair that doesn't get destroyed with bleach, my ability to let nobody take me down, and my artistic skills.
Please don't take my sense of direction, size of nose, or height.
Most of all I hope you are healthy, whole and happy!!!
See you in 6 months!!